Gordon: "Barbara, a good librarian is a calm librarian."
Gordon: "Well, Batman, you've done it again. May I shake your glove?"
Gordon, interrogating an 18-year-old girl: "It's no use, O'Hara. She won't crack."
O'Hara: "Ahh, what she needs is a good slap on the wrist!"
Gordon: "That's enough! You know I'm violently opposed to police brutality."
Gordon, picking up Batphone: "Once again we take our poor, cracked pitcher to the Caped Crusader's well."
Gordon: "Batman, some strange goings-on have been going on."
Gordon: "There are approximately five thousand seven hundred freshmen enrolling for this semester at GCU. Three thousand one hundred and twenty-seven of them wear a size 6 and seven eighths beanie."
Gordon, fighting back tears: "Chief O'Hara, I want an APB to all units for the arrest of Batman. Hopefully alive, but we'll take him the other way if we have to."
Gordon: "Fouad Sphinx, the talented Middle Eastern pantomimist, has just been found in his swank suite at the Oasis Hotel."
Batman: "Alive?"
Gordon: "Barely, Batman. He'd been severely pummelled about the head and shoulders by someone answering the description of King Tut. Furthermore, he was tied up in the classic tradition."
Gordon: "One of our officers was forced to shoot Batman this afternoon, and the Boy Wonder has become one of Gotham City's ten most wanted men, uh, boys."
Gordon to Chief O'Hara: "I'll call Batman on the red phone, you get Mr. Wayne on the other."
O'Hara: "There must be some solution."
Gordon: "The solution, as always, rests in hands other than ours, Chief O'Hara. Oh, Batman...wherefore art thou?"
Gordon to Chief O'Hara: "Begorrah!"
Gordon: "You! You're Alfred, millionaire Bruce Wayne's butler! And that voice! The same nameless voice that often answers the Batphone!"
Gordon: "That's funny. I can't remember the last thing I remember."
Gordon, as flower children are about to enter: "Brace yourself for some nutty nosegays, Chief O'Hara."
German doctor: "What wonders there must be in der Fledermaus Mensche's head!"
Bruce: "Oh, I don't know..."
Gordon: "Come now, Bruce, don't joke. The brain of Batman, ah...miraculous!"
Gordon: "Most true surfers are known as Duke, Skip, Rabbit, or Buzzy."
Gordon: "Decor in a police department varies little the world over."
Gordon: "There is room for style, even in crimefighting."
Gordon: "Just a minute, Catwoman! You can't come here and disrupt a luncheon like this!"
O'Hara, about Catwoman: "Her last words were something about her intending to become the best-dressed woman in Gotham City."
Gordon: "A noble ambition."
Gordon: "I won't tell Batgirl a thing."
Barbara: "Won't tell Batgirl what, daddy?"
Gordon: "Well, I guess I can tell you. After all, you're not Batgirl."
Gordon: "There's only one person who can help us. Batman. Oh, but I can hardly bring myself to call him again."
O'Hara: "Want me to call him?"
Gordon: "No no no, wait, wait. Give me a moment to summon my strength and courage."
Gordon: "They found the tank on West 20th Street."
Batman: "Is it still there?"
Gordon: "No, they towed it away, the parking meter had run out."
Gordon: "Tanks in the street, a horse in my outer office. Has the whole world gone batty? Just an expression, Batman. No slight intended."
Batman: "I understand."
Gordon: "Very well, Dynamic Duo. I leave the decision in your gloves."
Gordon: "How can that be? Twenty-six eyewitnesses who didn't see a thing?"
Gordon to Chief O'Hara: "A bat-fight seldom takes more than forty seconds, and they're already half an hour late."
O'Hara, about Dr. Cassandra: "But if she manages to smuggle one of her camoflauge pills?"
Gordon: "The prison matron isn't named Mrs. Frisk for nothing, Chief O'Hara."
Gordon: "Call out your boys, Chief. Stake out that Peale Art Gallery like you would a circus tent."
Gordon: "I fear you're growing cynical, Chief O'Hara. The notion of a faithful taxpayer robbing a bank is clearly ridiculous."
Gordon: "Oh, he's a good man, Bruce Wayne. But not even all his money could buy us another Batman."
Gordon: "O'Hara! Where have you been?"
O'Hara: "On a garbage scow, Commissioner. In a sack, I was wrapped up and abandoned!"
Gordon: "That's criminal!"
Gordon: "That fine pair of crime-fighters boiled to the entrails in a monster cookbook. Who could imagine a more tragic fate?"
Gordon: "Three more hats stolen right out from under our noses. Not to mention their owners."
Gordon: "It was a sad day indeed when the word 'parole' was coined."
Gordon: "A mobile slot-machine torture van: possession of such a vehicle is a violation of seventeen statutes."
Gordon: "I smell the tracks of a feline predator."
Commissioner Gordon (interrogating a Penquin henchman): "All right, I'll ask you one more time. How long have you known the Penquin?"
Henchman: "Who?"
Gordon: "Quit lying, you cheap hoodlum!"
Gordon: "Heart-warming indeed, Boy Wonder, the way a distinquished millionaire like Bruce Wayne cooperates in the fight against crime. Not all millionaires would be so self-sacrificing."
Gordon (approaching the Batphone): "Let's hope our unknown friend behind the mask is home."
Gordon: "We are forever in debt to the Dynamic Duo. So intrepid and yet so incognito."
Gordon: "Why Batman, are you blushing?"
Commissioner Gordon: "O'Hara, I have grown to realize there are two basics in life that we can be sure of."
O'Hara: "Death and taxes."
Gordon: "Batman and Robin."
Gordon: "What a frightening felony, rustling the most expensive automobile in racing."
O'Hara: "You heard about the other two robberies?"
Gordon: "The hot rod and the go-cart? Yes, yes."
Gordon: "Batman and Robin not available! You know what this means, don't you?"
O'Hara: "If you're thinking what I'm afraid you're thinking..."
Gordon: "Precisely, Chief O'Hara. The moment we've dreaded for years has arrived. This time, we're going to have to solve a case...ourselves."
O'Hara: "You still don't think we should call the caped crusader?"
Gordon: "When books, records, and files are involved, Chief O'Hara, I think that we should try to tackle the problem ourselves. But, when it comes to tampering with the buildings of our fine city, we have no other choice."
Robin: "Where in the world did they ever get a tank?"
Chief O'Hara: "Madman Otto's Used Tank Lot."
Chief O'Hara to Batman and Robin: "Saints be praised! You're not toads after all!"
Gordon: "Let's go! We must notify Batman!"
O'Hara: "You bet, Commissioner! To the elevators!"
Chief O'Hara: "The nerve of that clown! Paint all over your shirt. Batman, you should have cracked his pate for him."
O'Hara: "That crook has something up his sleeve besides his elbow."
O'Hara: "That larcenous phony has something under his hat besides his head, Batman."
O'Hara: "Cowabunga begorrah!"
Robin, when the police arrive late: "What took you so long? I phoned you before I came in here over an hour ago!"
O'Hara: "We took a wrong turn off'a Route 49."
Chief O'Hara (on the police department loud speaker): "Clear all exits for the Batmobile."
Gordon (about henchman): "A hard baked cookie, this one."
Chief O'Hara: "Covered with armor plate icing."
Commissioner Gordon: "Ah, the Dynamic Duo, what would we do without them, O'Hara?
O'Hara: "Oh, Commissioner, don't even whisper it. I shudder to think."
O'Hara: "Thank the saints for the utility belts."
Chief O'Hara: "Any ordinary crook the department can handle but the when in comes to the likes of Penguin, there is only one being on earth..."
Chief O'Hara (about Catwoman): "She's a pretty hip cat."
Gotham citizen: "How come Batman gets away with driving so fast, cutting corners, going through lights? Why, if I did that I'd be in jail the rest of my life."
Gotham Police Officer: "Batman is a duly deputized officer of the law, Ma'am. And if he is not pursuing a dangerous criminal, he drives more safely than any motorist I've ever seen. In his off hours, he lectures on traffic safety to driving classes all over Gotham City. No Ma'am, if you ever see Batman driving speedily, you can be sure he is endangering his life to protect yours and mine."