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BAT-QUOTES

Batman

Heroic and Wise


"In the end, veracity
and rectitude always triumph."
Batman: "Fore-warned is fore-armed."

Batman: "There's an eclipse of the sun due."
Robin: "But that's only for half a minute!"
Batman: "That's all we'll need, if my calculus is correct..."

Batman: "In the end, veracity and rectitude always triumph."

Batman: "I'd rather die than beg for such a small favor as my life."

Batman: "Better three hours too soon than a minute too late."

Robin: "Aren't you even going to try and get loose?"
Batman: "What's the cube root of pi, Robin?"

Batman: "No time to tarry, lest we forget, lives are at stake."

Batman: "Let's go, Robin. The longer we tarry, the more dire the peril."

Gordon: "But that means the remainder of Gotham City is wide open for evildoers."
Batman: "Robin and I will protect the balance of the populous."

Batman: "'It is the duty of every good citizen of Gotham City to report meeting a man from Mars in a public park.' - Gotham City Penal Code, Section 32, Subsection 14."

Batman: "People who stay in glass hotels shouldn't throw parties."

Batman: "Tell Chief O'Hara that Robin and I have something in our pockets besides our hands."

Batman: "Out of the sarcophagus and back into the saddle."

Batman: "I did think it would all end differently, somehow less ignominiously. To drown in my own anniversary cake!"

Batman: "The best-laid plans of mice and men oft gong agley."

Bruce: "It's sometimes difficult to think clearly when you're strapped to a printing press."

Batman: "I'm afraid we're not going to get much help from the Batcomputer, Robin. It can't go back to prehistoric times."

Bruce: "Arriving at Commissioner Gordon's office in a taxi might be deemed a trifle ostentatious."

Robin: "Holy tartars!"
Batman: "Unholy tartars, Robin. Stealing scimitars and golden eggs from a museum is one thing. But when the average citizen on the street is in peril, something must be done, and quickly."

Bank Manager: "Thank goodness you're here, Batman! Two girl bank robbers just robbed my bank while the policewomen did nothing. And then they took off into thin air in a getaway car..."
Batman: "Sometimes you can see a great deal in thin air, Sir."

Batman: "This is torture, at its most bizarre and terrible."

Batman: "It's the basic formula for escaping from the Siamese human knot. I just recalled it."

Batman: "If you can't spend it, money's just a lot of worthless paper, isn't it?"

Batman: "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."

Batman: "Good, even though it's sometimes sidetracked, always, repeat: always triumphs over evil."

Batman: "It's all in a day's crimefighting."

Batman: "Since there is no life on Mars as we know it, there can be no intelligible Marsish language."

Batman: "To coin a phrase, there's less here than meets the eye."

Batman: "Whatever is fair in love and war is also fair in crimefighting."

Bruce: "Penguin's not only overplayed his hand, he's tipped his mitt."

Batman: "The last trick of this tricky hand is ours!"

Batman: "This time, the Joker gave the party. Next time we'll hand out the door prizes."

Batman: "It's obvious. Only a criminal would disguise himself as a licensed, bonded guard yet callously park in front of a fire hydrant!"

Radio announcer: "If someone wishes a message broadcast, like 'Many are called, two are chosen,' I assume it's religious and that's all."
Batman: "I don't think we should treat religion lightly, Mr. Gore."

Robin (about Mad Hatter): "But when you testified against him at his last trial, he said he'd get you if it was the last thing he ever did."
Batman: "Few men die of threats, Robin."

Batman: "I solemly swear by my office as a crime-fighter that this outrage will not go unavenged."

Batman: "[Penquin] may be holding all the aces, but tomorrow morning we play the trump card."

Batman: "He who hath life hath time. A proverb worth remembering."

Batman: "An opportunity well taken is always a weapon of advantage."

Batman: "Let's beware and be wary."

Batman: "A reporter's lot is not easy, making exciting stories out of plain, average, ordinary people like Robin and me."

Robin: "But how could you be so sure?"
Batman: "I really couldn't, Robin. Earth movement is an inexact science at best."

Batman: "It's time to get set, Robin. It's almost oda wabba simba."
Robin: "It's almost what?"
Batman: "Oda wabba simba. Six o'clock in our nomenclature. In the 14th dynasty, the hour of the hyena. The time when ancient Egyptian supercriminals invariably struck!"

Robin: "Gosh, Batman, is there anything you don't know?"
Batman: "Oh yes, Robin. Several things, in fact."

Batman: "A brother's sufferings claims a brother's pity, gentlemen."

Batman: "'He who knows how to fear, Robin, knows how to proceed with safety.' A translation from the Latin."

Batman: "How little do we know of time, Alfred. A one-syllable word, a noun. Yesterday's laughter, tomorrow's tears."

Dealing with Women

Robin: "Don't fret. With good behaviour you could be out in 7 and a half years."
Catwoman: "But I'll be an old tabby by then..."
Batman: "Never fear, there will always be someone waiting for one as beauteous as you."

Catwoman: "If I were to kiss you, would you think I was a bad girl?"
Batman: "Bu...uh...no...No of course not Catwoman."

Batman: "I'll do everything I can to rehabilitate you."
Catwoman: "Marry me."
Batman: "Everything except that."

Batman: "You're a rare lady, Catwoman, you're right on time."

Batman to Catwoman: "Your propaquity could make a man forget himself."

Catwoman: "I could give you more happiness than anyone in the world."
Batman: "How do you propose to do that?"
Catwoman: "By being your partner in life, I mean it's me and you against the world."
Batman: "What about Robin?"


"If I were to
kiss you, would
you think I was
a bad girl?"
Lisa: "Would you like to come in for a glass of milk and cookies?"
Bruce: "I'm afraid it's rather late. Why, it's 10:30!"

Bruce: "Milk and cookies, did you say?"
Lisa: "I made the cookies myself."
Bruce: "Man cannot live by crime-fighting alone."

Batgirl: "I was just doing my duty as a citizen."
Batman: "I like that kind of talk."

Olga: "You find me attractive?"
Batman: "I'd find you much more attractive if you were on the right side of the law, Olga."

Olga: "Here, we are following my customs. And my customs are requiring wedding borscht made from captured prisoners."
Batman: "Wedding borscht!"

Lila: "I have some other very rare lilacs in the rear room, if you'd like to see them."
Batman: "I'm always interested in the unusual of any specie."

Batman to Catwoman: "A wife, no matter how beauteous or affectionate, would severely impair my crime-fighting."

Batman: "Of course, we could always borrow a hair-pin from Batgirl..."

Gordon: "What happened to Batgirl?"
O'Hara: "Begorrah, she's gone!"
Robin: "Into thin air."
Batman: "Her particular brand of vanishing cream..."

Barbara: "I think a ship sailing is one of the most exciting things in the world. Don't you, Bruce?"
Bruce: "Glamorous, romantic, a sense of mystery and adventure. Hard to beat in this hum-drum world."

Batman to Lady Peasoup: "A judo room? An unlikely sport for young gentlewomen."

Batman: "There's more to old Indian Fakir tricks than one might suspect."
Batgirl: "And concentration, magnified by the power of yoga?"
Batman: "Yes, yes. That's enough talking, Batgirl."

Batman to Barbara, about Batgirl: "I wouldn't dream of endangering that fair lady's head. No, you'd better leave the crimefighting to men."

Batman, about Batgirl: "She does make a colorful reinforcement alright, although I don't want her to think we can't fight our own battles."
Robin: "Gosh no, Batman."

Batman: "At the risk of sounding conceited, young lady, we're not just anyone."

Batman: "Women like Olga have been the downfall of far wiser men than Egghead."

Batman: "Perhaps crimefighting is better left to the men, Batgirl, perhaps not. But this isn't exactly women's work."
Batgirl: "But I'm no ordinary woman, Batman."
Batman: "Agreed."

Batman: "You constantly amaze me, Batgirl. I can't figure out how you manage to stay on top of a caper as quickly as we do."
Batgirl: "Tea leaves, stars, crystal gazing. All part of a woman crimefighter's arsenal, Batman."

Robin, about Batgirl: "Do you think she's trying to double-cross us?"
Batman: "No, but she's a woman, Robin, with a woman's inborn desire to outsmart men."

Batman: "To the Batmobile."
Batgirl: "What about my Batgirl Cycle? It's hidden around the corner."
Batman: "We'll pick it up later, Batgirl. It'll be much faster if we all go together."
Batgirl (smiling): "Cozy."

Bruce: "Excellent fondue, Barbara. It isn't often a bachelor gets the chance for a good home-cooked meal."
Barbara: "Well, it isn't often a spinster gets to cook for a bachelor."

Bruce: "Yes, I think I should be running along as well, Barbara. Uh, it wouldn't be proper for the two of us to be here alone in your apartment without a chaperone."

Batman: "Batgirl has been very valuable to all of Gotham City, through her pluck and her heroism."

Shame: "Get away from our Fanny!"
Robin: "They'll let us have it if we do."
Batman: "So? We can't hide behind a woman."

Dick: "Gosh, Bruce, would Minerva stoop to something like that?"
Bruce: "It's hard to believe, Dick, she's so beautiful!"

Batman: "What's your name?"
Molly: "Molly."
Batman: "You interest me, strangely."

Robin: "The crook was a lady!"
Batman: "Hardly a lady, Robin, but female, yes."

Batman: "I'm afraid you're under arrest, Madam."
Queenie: "Couldn't we talk it over, handsome?"
Batman: "Poor, deluded child."

Blaze: "You've got quite a grip there, caped crusader."
Batman: "Sound mind and a sound body. A necessity in the relentless war against crime."

Batman (to Miss Patrick, who offered him a vitamin): "No thank you, my dear. I seldom resort to medication of any kind. You see, one's body has remarkable restorative powers of its own."

Batman (about Miss Patrick): "She seems eager to please. A virtue in anyone."

Marsha: "You mean you're not in love with me?"
Batman: "I'm not even mildly interested."

Octavia (Minstrel's female companion in crime): "I surrender."
Batman: "That's hardly necessary. Just from looking at you, I'm sure your presence here is innocent."
Octavia: "Appearences are deceiving, Batman."
Batman: "Appearences, perhaps. Instinct, seldom."
Octavia: "That's nice. You're nice. I think I might like it better being on your side."
Batman: "It's always a satisfying feeling knowing that you're on the side of right, Octavia."
Octavia: "I wasn't talking about right."
Batman: "I know."
Octavia: "Are you taking me in?"
Batman: "Where? Why?"
Octavia: "Thank you, Batman. Perhaps some other time, some other place."
Batman: "I hope so."
Octavia: "Then goodbye for now."
Robin: "You're letting her go? I admit she's gorgeous, Batman, but what does she have that all the other gorgeous creatures didn't?"

Barbara: "Would any of you care for a soft drink?"
Batman: "No thank you, Miss Gordon. We might find it too relaxing."

Batman: "We'll use the portable Batcomputer in the Batmobile."
Batgirl: "I think I'll tag along, Batman. The instruments in the Batgirl Cycle aren't quite as sophisticated as those in the Batmobile."
Batman: "Thank you."

Speaking to Alfred

Alfred: "You look a little harassed, sir. Perhaps this snack will help."
Batman: "No thanks, Alfred. You know I never mix crime-fighting with eating."

Bruce: "And exactly where was the Wayne limousine found, Alfred?"
Alfred: "On a shadowy side street, Sir, in a Gotham City suburb. I hope you don't mind me taking the liberty of dismantling it for you."
Bruce: "Not at all, Alfred. You saved us at least 15 minutes by doing that."

Batman: "Congratulations, Alfred. Your keen sartorial sense has done it again."

Alfred: "I came as soon as I received your morse bat-code message. It was really most propitious that I happened to be dusting the Batcave when you sent it."
Batman: "I counted on your love for your work."

Alfred: "Dinner time, sir."
Batman: "A peanut butter and water crest sandwich and a glass of milk would have been sufficient enough, Alfred."

Investigating

Batman: "The red speck appears to be chile and the green speck is avocado. Do you know what that means?"

Batman puzzling over a clue: "It must be something connected with his trying to tell us something."

Batman: "This librarian has been bound in the ancient Thuggee tradition."

Batman: "We just dropped in for that Small Batcave Improvement Loan that you mentioned, but in view of the strange criminal activity that seems to be transpiring here..."

Bruce: "It looks like undesirable elements have once again infiltrated the manly art of self-defense."

Batman: "Ingenious! This criminal mirth issues from a tiny super-powered loudspeaker built into your left cufflink."

Batman: "Just as I expected. The agile crook also managed to slip an induction receiving antenna into your left trouser leg."

Batman: "The next time your chief teller goes out for a sandwich and sends a stranger back in his place, scrutinize him carefully. I'm sure I speak for the chairman of the board, millionaire Bruce Wayne, in saying that you owe that to all of your depositors."

Batman: "It's staring us right in our masks."

Batman, about Puzzler: "There's a method to his misdemeanors."

Batman: "It looks like we're getting closer to the heart of this criminal artichoke."

Batman: "Before we set brain and sinew to this perplexing case, let's review all the facts."

Batman: "Just what are you doing, and to whom are you doing it?"

Batman, analyzing a bullet in the wall: "Judging from the trajectory of the angle, and figuring the wind at six knots per hour north by northeast as per this morning's weather report...X times six squared...over...logarithm of that...yes! You see? It came from that room on that floor!"

Batman: "We've come a long way from the Prime Minister's exploding cake. Or have we?"

Batman: "I'm certain this is the first stitch in a large tapestry of crime."

Batman: "The Catwoman has unsheathed her claws again."

Robin: "What do you think, Batman? Has the Penquin really gone straight?"
Batman: "It's a tough one. When that bird turned snow white it could merely be a tricky white-wash job."

Batman: "I observed the recoil of that umbrella gun. Obviously, its angular momentum was inadequate for the mass of a real bullet."

Robin: "What's the plan, Batman?"
Batman: "Routine crime detection."

Gordon: "You make something of this enigma, Batman?"
Batman: "It sticks out like Penguin's nose."

Bruce Wayne: "Catwoman has returned to besmirch the name of our fair metropolis."

Batman: "If my calculations are correct..."
Robin: "They usually are."
Batman: "...Someone should be coming through that window within the next six seconds."

Batman: "There is a large mural here and one small piece of canvas must be brushed in before we can get the entire picture."

Batman: "When fighting crime even the most minute detail must not be ignored."

Robin: "Batman, look! What skinny macaroni!"
Batman: "No, it's spaghetti, Robin. A variety of alimentary paste, larger then bernachelli but not as tubular as macaroni."

Robin: "Ghoti is fish?"
Batman: "See here. English phonetics. GH becomes F, as in tough or laugh. O becomes I as in women. TI becomes SH as in ration or the word nation."
Robin: "Holy semantics, Batman. You never cease to amaze me!"
Batman: "No time for compliments, Robin. We must thwart some criminals. To the Batmobile!"

Batman, hearing gunshots across town: "I think we're going to be a little late for that lecture to the Crime Prevention League, Robin."

Lecturing Robin

Robin: "Let's go!"
Batman: "Not you, Robin. They have strict licensing laws in this country. A boy of your age is not allowed in a drinking tavern."

Dick Grayson: "What's so important about Chopin?"
Bruce Wayne: "All music is important, Dick. It's the universal language. One of our best hopes for the eventual realization of the brotherhood of man."
Dick Grayson: "Gosh Bruce, yes, you're right. I'll practice harder from now on."

Robin: "You can't get away from Batman that easy!"
Batman: "Easily."
Robin: "Easily."
Batman: "Good grammar is essential, Robin."
Robin: "Thank you."
Batman: "You're welcome."

Batman: "Better put 5 cents in the meter."
Robin: "No policeman's going to give the Batmobile a ticket."
Batman: "This money goes to building better roads. We all must do our part."

Robin: "Boy! That was our closest call ever! I have to admit that I was pretty scared!"
Batman: "I wasn't scared in the least."
Robin: "Not at all?"
Batman: "Haven't you noticed how we always escape the vicious ensnarements of our enemies?"
Robin: "Yeah, because we're smarter than they are!"
Batman: "I like to think it's because our hearts are pure."

Robin: "Holy molars! Am I ever glad I take good care of my teeth!"
Batman: "True. You owe your life to dental hygiene."

Bruce: "Yes, Dick, your bird calls are close to perfect. If more people practiced them, someday we might have a chance for real communication with our feathered friends."
Dick: "In that case I think I'll polish up my ruby-crowned kinglet and my rose-breasted yellow-tailed grouse-beak calls."

Dick: "Sorry, I'm not interested in dance lessons."
Bruce: "Wait a minute, Dick. The junior prom's coming up, isn't it?"
Dick: "Yes, but..."
Bruce: "Well, we don't want you to be a wallflower, do we? Dancing is an integral part of every young man's education."
Dick: "Gosh Bruce, you're right."

Batman to Robin: "When you get a little older, you'll see how easy it is to become lured by the female of the species."

Robin: "I guess you can never trust a woman."
Batman: "You've made a hasty generalization, Robin. It's a bad habit to get into."

Robin: "That's an impossible shot, Batman."
Batman: "That's a negative attitude, Robin."

Batman: "The green button will turn the car a la escarda o a la drecia."
Robin: "To the left or right. Threw in a little Spanish on me, huh, Batman?"
Batman: "One should always keep abreast of foreign tongues, Robin."

Dick: "Gosh, Economics is sure a dull subject."
Bruce: "Oh, you must be jesting, Dick. Economics dull? The glamour, the romance of commerce... Hmm. It's the very lifeblood of our country's society."


"Gosh, Batman, you're right!"
Bruce: "Don't dip your oar in this sordid sea, Dick. You might be besmirched."

Batman: "That's one trouble with dual identities, Robin. Dual responsibilities."

Batman: "In fact, Mr. Wayne is taking Mrs. Harriet Cooper, a devotee of Miss Glaze's, backstage before the performance to meet the dazzling star."
Robin: "While Dick Grayson, I suppose, stays home and works on his essay on glaciers?"
Batman: "Right again, Robin."

Robin: "To the batcave?"
Batman: "And up the batpoles."
Robin: "The batpoles?"
Batman: "Even crimefighters need their sleep, Robin."

Robin: "Picked up the seal pulsator yet, Batman?"
Batman: "We're still over land, Robin, and a seal is an aquatic, marine mammal."
Robin: "Gosh, yes, Batman, I forgot."

Robin: "Where'd you get a live fish, Batman?"
Batman: "The true crimefighter always carries everything he needs in his utility belt, Robin."

Robin: "Batman, maybe I should stay home tonight. Homework, you know."
Batman: "I think you should acquire a taste for opera, Robin, as one does for poetry and olives."

Robin, to Carpet King: "You must be that gentleman I've read about. Aren't you a king or something?"
Batman: "Robin, England has no king now. England has a queen, and a great lady she is, too."

Robin: "Gosh, Batman, this camel grass juice is great."
Batman: "Beware of strong stimulants, Robin."

Batman: "Robin, the Constitution provides that a man is innocent until proven guilty. And the Constitution is the cornerstone of our great nation. We must abide by it."
Robin: "Gosh, when you put it that way..."

Batman: "Man-eating lilacs have no teeth, Robin. It's a process of ingestion through their tentacles."

Batman (after cracking a safe): "It's not difficult, if you have steady nerves and a good ear. Quality is destroyed by the tenor of criminal life."

Batman: "An older head can't be put on younger shoulders."

Robin: "Venus seemed like a nice girl in that costume."
Batman: "I suspect she is a nice girl down deep, but she's fallen in with bad companions. And who knows what her home life was like."

Batman: "Go back outside and calm the flower children."
Robin: "They'll mob me!"
Batman: "Groovy."

Batman: "You know your neosauruses well, Robin. Peanut butter sandwiches it is."

Batman: "Too many Bessarovian Cossacks around here, Robin. If I'd joined you in the fight, some of them may have been injured."

Robin, about Batgirl: "She's gone again! For once, Batman, let's follow her."
Batman: "No, Robin. With my head sticking out of this neosaurus costume, I might not appear like an ordinary, run of the mill crimefighter."

Bruce: "Just because we're traveling, I don't think that Dick should neglect his studies, so we brought along one thousand key works of literature, his biological specimens, and also his own desk."
Dick: "Yes, I expect to study hard."

Batman: "You're far from mod, Robin. And many hippies are older than you are."

Superintendent Watson: "Well, I think this calls for a cup of char at venerable Ireland Yard."
Robin: "Char?"
Batman: "Yes, Robin, a colloquialism for tea."

Catwoman: "Let noone say that Catwoman is not the best-dressed woman in the world."
Batman: "There are no fashion shows where you're going, Catwoman."
Robin: "And how could a feline feloness like you also be a fashion model?"
Batman: "Ah-ah. Give credit where credit is due, Robin. She may be evil, but she is attractive. You'll know more about that in a couple of years."

Robin: "If we close our eyes, we can't see anything."
Batman: "A sound observation, Robin."

Robin, about Catwoman: "Do you think she'll kill Batgirl?"
Batman: "Or worse, Robin. Or worse."

Batman: "Nobody wants war."
Robin: "Gee, Batman. Belgravia's such a small country. We'd beat them in a few hours."
Batman: "Yes, and then we'd have to support them for years."

Joker: "Let bygones be bygones. I'd like to shake hands with both of you. Can't we be friends?"
Robin: "I'd rather shake hands with a spitting cobra!"
Batman: "You're being cynical, Robin. To err is human, to forgive...divine."

Batman: "What took you so long, Batgirl?"
Batgirl: "Rush hour traffic, plus all the lights were against me. And you wouldn't want me to speed, would you?"
Robin: "Your good driving habits almost cost us our lives!"
Batman: "Rules are rules, Robin. But you do have a point."

Batman: "Cattail Lane and Nine Lives Alley. The Grimalkin Novelty Company is on that corner."
Robin: "Grimalkin? What kind of a name is that?"
Batman: "An obscure but nevertheless acceptable synonym for cat, Robin."

Robin, looking at Batgirl: "You know something, Batman?"
Batman: "What's that, Robin?"
Robin: "She looks very pretty when she's asleep."
Batman: "I thought you might eventually notice that. That single statement indicates to me the first oncoming thrust of manhood, old chum."

Robin: "Gosh, if I could just figure out that riddle. Why can't I get it?"
Batman: "Maybe your mind's on that cute little teenager who waved to you on the way across town, eh?"
Robin: "Awww, come on, Batman."

Dick: "Awww, heck! What's the use of learning French anyway?"
Bruce: "Dick, I'm surprised at you! Language is the key to world peace. If we all spoke each other's tongues, perhaps the scourge of war would be ended forever."
Dick: "Gosh, Bruce, yes. I'll get these darn verbs if they kill me!"

Robin: "What do we do, tip off Commissioner Gordon?"
Batman: "No, not on your life, old man. The Penguin and I have a score to settle."

Dick: "Wow! The rings of Saturn! This is sure some fun, Bruce."
Bruce: "Astronomy is more than mere fun, Dick."
Dick: "It is?"
Bruce: "Yes, it helps give us a sense of proportion. Reminds us how little we are, really. People tend to forget that sometimes."
Dick: "Gosh yes, that's right. I'll bet I see those rings a little differently this time!"

Robin: "Gosh, there could be diplomatic repercussions if we fail this time, Batman."
Batman: "That's not the point, Robin. What's important is that the world know that all visitors to these teeming shores are safe, be they peasant or king."
Robin: "Gee, Batman, I never thought of that. You're right."
Batman: "It's the very essence of our democracy."

Batman to Robin: "Stop fiddling with that atomic pile and come down here!"

Dick: "Gosh, botany is tough. I'll never learn to recognize all these trees!"
Bruce: "Come come, Dick. Pine. Elm. Hickory, chestnut, maple. Part of our heritage is the lure of living things, the storybook of nature."
Dick: "That's true, Bruce. I'll learn to read that book of nature yet!"

Batman: "Robin, you haven't fastened your safety bat-belt."
Robin: "We're only going a couple of blocks."
Batman: "It won't be long until you are old enough to get a driver's license, Robin, and you'll be able to drive the Batmobile and other vehicles. Remember, motorist safety."
Robin: "Gosh, Batman, when you put it that way.."

Bruce: "When we have more time, I'll acquaint you with the various processes of sculptoring. It's a fascinating art to which I devoted many hours of study."
Dick: "I sure would like to hear about it, Bruce."

Batman (during a bat-climb): "Careful, Robin. Both hands on the Bat-rope."
Robin: "Sorry, Batman."

Robin (about Lydia Limpet): "Gosh, Batman, those look like honest eyes."
Batman: "Never trust the old chestnut, 'Crooks have beady little eyes'. It's false."

Robin: "When we put the fake jewels in Miss Starr's safe and take the real ones out, we could be nailed as crooks."
Batman: "That's a chance we have to take, Robin. In our well ordered society, protection of private property is essential."
Robin: "Yes, you're right, Batman. That's the keystone to all law and order."

Dick Grayson: "I thought Lima was the capital of Equador."
Bruce Wayne: "As you can see, I was right. It's the capital of Peru."
Aunt Harriet: "Oh, I just love this game of capitals. It's just so educational!"
Bruce: "Not only that, if we don't know all about our friends to the south, how can we can carry out our good neighbor policy?"

Bruce: "Most Americans don't realize what we owe to the ancient Incas. Very few appreciate they gave us the white potato and many varieties of Indian corn."
Dick: "Now whenever I eat mashed potatos, I for one will think of the Incas."

Dick (working on a jigsaw puzzle): "It's so much harder with the pieces upside down."
Bruce: "Of course. Think of what excellent training it is for your visual memory."
Dick: "Gosh yes, I guess that's true."

(in Batmobile, on golf course)
Robin: "Let's get going and make an emergency bat-turn!"
Batman: "Not this time, old chum. Have to think of the golfers. The retro-rockets would burn up the course for a hundred yards."

Batman: "Human mechanisms are made by human hands, Robin. None of them is infallible. It is a lesson that must be faced."

Batman: "That's life, Robin, full of ups and downs. It ill befits any of us to become too confident."

Batman (about to cross the street): "Remember Robin, always look both ways."

Robin: "It sure is a shame, Batman. A restaurant with such terrific chow turning out to be a mere front for some criminal scheme."
Batman: "Look at it this way, Robin. That $100 cover charge is pretty stiff. Penguin's 'terrific chow' is hardly within the budget of the average worker."
Robin: "Gosh yes, you're right, Batman. All the needy people in the world, all the hungry children."
Batman: "Good thinking, Robin."

Dick: "Gosh Bruce, Greek is still Greek to me."
Aunt Harriet: "It's Greek to a lot of Greeks too. It's one of the world's oldest, most important, most beautiful languages."
Dick: "It may be, Aunt Harriet, but can't we take a breather and work out in the gym for a while?"
Aunt Harriet: "But the mind needs excercise too, Dick."
Dick: "Well, my mind is getting muscle-bound."
Bruce: "Ahhh, there is an old saying, Dick. A sound mind and a sound body. A worthy goal."

Batman: "Ma Parker's girl is more dangerous than her three boys."
Robin: "Her legs sort of reminded me of Catwoman's."
Batman: "You're growing up, Robin. Remember, in crime-fighting always keep your sights raised."

Robin: "But what is it?"
Batman: "Saribus Sacer. A species of ancient Egyptian beetle, sacred to the Sun God, Hymeopolos. And from which the term scarab is derived. But, you should know that, Robin, if you are up on your studies of Egyptology."
Robin: "You're right."

Batman: "I know. Hieroglyphics self-taught are a chore, Robin; but, it is a surefire way to unravel the secrets of the ancient mystics."

Batman: "Experience teaches slowly, Robin. And at a cost of many mistakes."

Robin: "I am a little hungry."
Batman: "Of course, Robin. Even crime-fighters must eat. And especially you. You're a growing boy and you need your nutrition."

Batman: "Remember the Boy Scouts' motto."
Robin: "'Be prepared'."
Batman: "It would do well to keep that in mind at all times."

Robin: "We better hurry, Batman."
Batman: "Not too fast, Robin. In good bat-climbing as in good driving one must never sacrifice safety for speed."
Robin: "Right again, Batman."

Batman: "Tarnished reputations are unfortunate, Robin. We can live with those. However, a threat to all of Gotham City is something else."

Robin: "Self-control is sure tough sometimes, Batman!"
Batman: "All virtues are, old chum. Indeed, that's why they're virtues."

Robin: "How about rushing the place, Batman?"
Batman: "Shh. I think not, Robin. All they've done so far is stolen a few items, attempted to kill you, me, and Batgirl. No, I think they plan something really big."

Dick: "Bruce, let me ride Waynebow. I'm light enough."
Bruce: "No, Dick, I couldn't allow my own ward to ride my own thoroughbred. People might think it was funny."

Speaking to the Police Force

Batman: "She's put the elevator out of commission, Commissioner."

O'Hara: "I'm sorry, Batman. We would have gotten here sooner, but when Commissioner Gordon told me to go to the Museum, I assumed he meant the wax museum."
Batman: "That's alright, Chief O'Hara. Anyone could have made the same mistake."

Gordon: "Batman, will you be talking to Bruce Wayne?"
Batman: "I occasionally run into him, Commissioner. Why?"

Batman: "I'm sure that you and your fine force of men in blue can handle anything in the realm of the ordinary, Chief."

Batman: "Chief O'Hara, had you ever seen the tissue-haired wench before?"

Batman: "Time for us to go fishing, if you ask me."
O'Hara: "Fishing?"
Gordon: "But where, Batman?
Batman: "Where the fishing is always best, Commissioner. By a shady bank!"

Bruce: "We'll ride with the wind, Commissioner!"

Batman: "There's treasure at both ends of the rainbow, Commissioner."

Batman: "May I see the beanie in question, Chief O'Hara?"

Gordon: "Barbara had to go back to the library, but she told me to keep an eye on the girl behind the counter."
Batman: "You mean the one talking to her hot dog?"

Gordon: "I'm sure they won't find caviar on the menu at Gotham State Prison."
Batman: "Probably not, but they will get a well-balanced diet thanks to Warden Crichton's emphasis on proper nutrition."

Gordon: "I must try and get in touch with Bruce Wayne at once."
Batman: "Oh, you mean millionaire Bruce Wayne? Uh, I believe he's out of town for the day."

Warden Crichton: "During the last week before release, I permit the prisoners to wear their own clothing. It helps acclamate them to the outside world."
Batman: "Sound penology, Warden. Very sound."

Bruce: "I know nothing whatsoever about this sort of thing, Commissioner. But as a layman, it makes sense to me."
Gordon: "All right then, that's the way it will be."

Gordon: "It baffles me, Batman, if False Face contemplates a counterfeiting coup, why break into a bank?"
Batman: "For a double dose of diabolical deception!"

Chief O'Hara (about Mad Hatter): "Where will he be stopped?"
Batman: "In a court of law, Chief O'Hara, where he was stopped before."

Chief O'Hara: "Will you be wanting extra police protection?"
Batman: "No thank you, Chief O'Hara. I certainly don't mean to cast any aspersions on the police department. This time I think Robin and I better go at it alone. Any large contingent of police officers might create unnecessary confusion."

Batman (to Chief O'Hara): "Don't interupt! I'm trying to fathom the subconscious of a deadly criminal!"

Batman (to Gordon): "Let that be a lesson. In future, be more careful from who you accept free lemonade."

Bruce Wayne: "My dear Commissioner, I do believe you've taken leave of your wits."

O'Hara: "Look up there! Are they birds, are they planes?"
Batman: No. They're cat burglars!"

Batman (without the Batmobile): "I must get to the Batcave as fast as possible."
Gordon: "Let me send a police car for you."
Batman: "A needless waste of taxpayers' money, Commissioner. Gotham City's transit line is the world's most rapid."

Speaking to Villains

Robin: "You give yourselves up without a struggle, we'll try and make things easier for you."
Batman: "And if not you may be severely pummelled about the head and shoulders."

Batman: "It's beddy-bye for you, Penquin."

Batman: "You must have flipped your raspberry, Joker."

Batman to King Tut: "Your predictions are nothing but phony, fatuous flim-flam."

Batman: "Shame on you, Shame."

"The odious,
abhorrent,
and
insegrievious
Catwoman."
Shame: "Don't make a move Batman, or I'll fill you full a' lead."
Batman: "You can't frighten us with a vague threat, Shame."

Batman to Catwoman: "Don't try anything untoward."

Batman: "Catwoman, I find you to be odious, abhorrent, and insegrievious."

Batman to French Freddy: "I'll accept your explanation for the nonce. However, if we find that you've been perbearicading, it will not go well for you."

Batman: "Catwoman, you've been hoised on your own pitard."

Batman: "So that's your game, Joker! Aiding and abetting attempted bigamy!"

Batman to Colonel Gumm: "You Satanic, mad, stamp man!"

Robin: "It won't help you, Joker. Bruce Wayne will press charges. He was born on top of the social ladder!"
Bruce: "Yes, I am reasonably secure, socially."

Batman (speaking on morning radio show): "This message is for King Tut only. I request all other citizens to comply with my wishes and shut their radios off for the next 30 seconds."

Batman (listening to King Tut on the radio): "Oh, such language."

Batman to Catwoman: "I had a hunch that you'd try something not quite kosher."

Batman: "What deviltry are you up to now, Joker?"

Batman to Joker: "Shall we go into the men's locker room and put on our baggies?"

Batman: "I'm quite interested in fog lawns, Lord...Ffogg."

Batman to Catwoman: "Don't try to pull the wool over our eye-slits."

Bruce to Joker: "No thank you, I never use tobacco in any form."

Joker: "No! You're kaput! Finis! Defunct!"
Batman: "We're very much not defunct, Joker."

Joker: "Who are you calling?"
Catwoman: "Lucky Pierre. The world's greatest and luckiest criminal attorney. He's never lost a case."
Batman: "Is it a toll call?"

Louie the Lilac to Bruce and Dick: "Let's hope the authorities pass over the million dollars I'm planning to ask for you shortly."
Bruce: "That's a high price for two average people."

Louie the Lilac: "What equipment would you need for your operation?"
Bruce: "I'll need two glasses of warm water."
Lotus: "Two glasses of warm water?"
Bruce: "Yes, warm water plays a major part in newly perfected animal surgery."

Nora Clavicle: "Do you know what this document is, Batman?"
Batman: "If I dared move my head, I might recognize it, but I daren't."

Shame: "Your mother wore army shoes."
Batman: "Yes, she did. As I recall, she found them quite comfortable."

Batman: "If you need to be vitriolic, vituperative, and vindictive, Shame, go right ahead."

Batman: "Stand up, Shame! You're not worthy of the name Shame, you're a sham, Shame! Don't ever cry on my tights or pull my leg again."

Batman: "Well, Joker, it looks like you've flown your last saucer."

Batman: "Expletives will get you nowhere, Penguin."

Batman to Riddler: "If this gas ignites, it'll blow you to Kingdom Come, you venal viper!"

Joker: "Look up the statute. In Gotham City, the crime of loitering requires the loiterer to remain in the same spot for over two minutes!"
Batman: "You...you jailhouse lawyer!"

Catwoman (about her tiger, which is about to eat Batman): "It's been a very long time between bites for Tinkerbell."
Batman: "You should take better care of him, Catwoman. After all, pets are a responsibility."

Batman: "I've heard that song before, Catwoman. And the last few bars are always the same - the criminal is always behind them."

Batman (to Catwoman): "There is more than one way to skin a cat, woman."

Catwoman: "Are you a betting man, Batman?"
Batman: "I never gamble."

Batman: "You should have learned much sooner, Miss Limpet. The oldest plot and still the best: 'Crime does not pay'."

Riddler (to Dynamic Duo): "For two people about to become human candles, you have a lot of questions."
Batman: "I'm always interested in the way the criminal mind works."

Batman: "Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with knives?"

Batman: "A fitting end for you, Joker. Like the rest of your criminal ilk, you were never anything but a threatening bag of hot air. Chief O'Hara, call your men to cart this human trash away!"

Batman (to King Tut): "You thought you had unhinged me. I kept my reason by reciting the multiplication tables backwards."

Batman (to Pauline, Riddler's partner in crime): "Stop! Surrender! Give yourself up! By all that is holy I might forget myself and do you violence!"

Batman (to Catwoman): "Are you ready to capitulate?"

Batman: "You can only fool some people some of the time, Clock King."

Batman (to Chief Screaming Chicken): "You Chicken turned chicken?"

Marsha, Queen of Diamonds: "You mean you're not in love with me?"
Batman: "I'm not even mildly interested."

Batman, interrogating a suspect: "Come off it, Bellgoody. You're pulling my boot!"

Batman: "I made a bargain with Penguin, and I never break my word."
Marsha: "Bargain? Why, half the men in the world would fight to be kissed by Marsha, Queen of Diamonds."
Batman: "They certainly wouldn't have to fight me."

Joker: "Oh, I have to give you credit, Catwoman. I expected this place to be a shambles because of a fight!"
Batman, entering: "As it may yet be, Joker."

Black Widow: "Well, Bat-doll, perhaps you'd like some champagne."
Batman: "No, I never touch spirits. Have you some milk?"

Batman: "A gun? Aren't you a little above that, Doctor Cassandra? Noooooo style."

Blaze: "No wonder I'm starved, it's after lunch! Oh Batman, would you get me a candy bar please?"
Batman: "Candy? Actually, fresh fruit is much more healthful."

Miscellaneous

Robin: "Where's Alfred?"
Batman: "He's probably out shopping. Today is market day and you know how he likes to take advantage of the specials."

Batgirl: "How can I help?"
Batman: "By standing directly under that grating and concentrating on the Indian Fakir command, Rassi Seedha Rucko. Hindi for 'Rope stay straight'."

Batman, about the Batcave: "It's a place to hang our cowls."

Batman: "A life of crime has worn the Riddler's moral fibre to a frayed strand."

Batman, during Bat-climb: "I wish we could help you, citizen, but we're just a couple of ordinary crimefighters going about our mundane business."

Batman: "I've been here all morning sipping a soda with Catwoman."

Batman: "Out of the mouths of Boy Wonders oft-times come gems."

Robin: "I'm surprised at you, Batman! Many battles have been won before electricity and telephone were ever invented!"
Batman: "Gosh, Robin. You may be right!"

Alfred, entering from study: "Sir, a Mister Gordon Commish is calling."
Bruce: "Yes, we've been expecting his call..."


The Batcave...
"It's a place to hang our cowls."

Mr. Cash: "Oh, Batman, am I going to be alright?"
Batman: "Take two cold tablets, and get plenty of rest. Your cerebrum will be fine in the morning, Mr. Cash."

Robin, looking at elderly couple sitting on porch: "Three hours and they're still going strong!"
Batman: "I thought they'd be off their rockers by now."

Batman, with his brain short-circuited, singing to Robin:
"I'm called buttercup, dear little buttercup. Though I could never tell why. But still I'm called buttercup, poor little buttercup, sweet little buttercup, aaaah..."

Batman: "Holy complications indeed, Robin."

Batman: "Robin and I were just putting a flower decal on the Batmobile."

Batman: "Now to make this planted story sprout."

Batman: "Puzzler's malfeasant methods are legendary."

Batman: "Let's go, Robin. We've set another youth on the road to a brighter tomorrow."

Bruce: "Since the murder of my parents by dastardly criminals, violence has been anathema to me."

Batman: "I don't like having to resort to such mendacity."

Susie Knickerbocker: "I hear millionaire Bruce Wayne is really one of the hippies. All that marvelous money and fantastic Wayne Manor..."
Batman: "Stately Wayne Manor!"

Susie Knickerbocker: "Batman, I think that's a darling little costume you're wearing. Where did you get it, in London or Rome?"
Batman: "No, I believe in patronizing local craftsmen."

Batman, coming through Barbara's window: "We would have entered the building by more conventional means, but we didn't want to startle the tenants."

Batman: "It never would have worked if it hadn't been for the two skeletons in your closet."

Robin: "If we land on the beach, Batman, we might hurt someone."
Batman: "And cause undue attention, old chum. We'll set down at Pelican Cove, just north of Gotham Point, and walk down the beach just like ordinary people."

Batman, about visiting Queen Bess: "She specifically requested meeting us to discuss the rise in Belgravian misdemeanors."

Robin: "What's Gotham City going to do with five hundred pounds of dehydrated caviar?"
Batman: "Noone could decide."

Batman (presenting his case in court): "We are gathered here today to prove that Catwoman, Joker, and their men are guilty of several major offenses. To wit: robbery, attempted murder, assault.....and battery! Mayhem, and overtime parking."

Batman (making his closing statements): "In the interests of law, order, justice, good fellowship, and the flag, you must convict them to keep our streets safe from evil persons. Thank you."

Barbara: "It's a lovely beach house, Bruce."
Bruce: "I really haven't used it very much. Now that my youthful ward, Dick Grayson, is growing up, he needs a place to entertain his friends."

Batman: "Just play, Robin. Play for all your worth!"

Robin: "What about the insecticide bat-bomb?"
Batman: "I left it in the Batmobile."

Bruce: "Hello, Ibn Mugdash? This is Bruce Wayne. No, no, it's not about my oil interests."

Batman, reading Shame's letter: "It's full of misspellings, and I'm full of misgivings."

Robin, about Batgirl's identity: "I don't think we should even attempt to fathom it, Batman. She treasures her own anonymity every bit as much as we treasure ours."
Batman: "Of course you're right, Robin. Still...well, there's just no time."

Batman, affected by fear gas: "Stand in front of me, Batgirl!"

Robin, as Batman heads to certain doom: "Batman, I --"
Batman: "Don't say it, Robin. I understand."

Barbara: "Is she really a doctor?"
Batman: "She isn't even a nurse!"

Batgirl, about the Special Escaped Archcriminal Bat-locator: "That must come in quite handy."
Batman: "Quite. Every crimefighter should have one."

Minerva: "Register for both, yourself and your son."
-Uncomfortable pause-
Batman: "Although I'd be proud if he were, this is not my son, this is Robin the Boy Wonder."

Minerva: "You can't get the full value from a mineral spa fully dressed."
Batman: "Our boots, leotards, gauntlets, capes, cowls, and even our utility belts are more permeable than you might think. Shall we start?"

Batman: "To the alley!"

Batman: "To the spa!"

Batman: "I did a little extracurricular crimedetecting while Dick Grayson was doing his homework."

Batman: "The Riddler contrives his plots like artichokes. You have to strip off spiny leaves to reach the heart."

Batman, walking through crowded discotheque: "I shouldn't wish to attract attention."

Bruce: "Dick? Like some help with that algebra?"
Dick: "Sure would, Bruce!"

Batman: "This unique garb of ours is one of our weapons in crimefighting. It shouldn't bother anyone who abides by the law."

Batman, after two crooks hiding in sarcophagi kill each other: "Hoised on their own murderous pitards. A couple of mummies. Let's taketh them to the morgue."

Batman, about Joker: "His insane conceit may betray him."

Robin: "Then when you thought you were stopping him with your utility belt, he was really stopping us with his!"
Batman: "The tricky devil. He's hit us below the belt!"

Bruce: "The good works of my Wayne Foundation require that I stay above the brawl of politics."

Batman: "Who's the president of your student council?"
Principal Schoolfield: "A boy named Grayson, a Richard Grayson, a fine lad."
Batman: "I'm glad to hear it."

Batman, at Student Council meeting: "What's your name, son?"
Dick: "Richard Grayson, sir!"
Batman: "Thank you, Richard. You darken the room, I'll man the projector."
Dick: "Roger!"

Robin (about Cheerleader Suzy who is working for Joker): "Is it possible, Batman?"
Batman: "It's an old story I'm afraid, as old as Eve and the Apple. That snake, the Joker, must have promised her some baubles and led her astray."

Ticket vendor: "No charge. You can go right in."
Batman: "No, I'd rather pay just like every other ordinary citizen."

Batman: "Bartender, a bit of advice. Always inspect a jukebox carefully. These machines can be deadly."

Bruce (after seeing Commissioner Gordon being shot on TV): "This is one time we don't wait for the Batphone."

Batman (to citizens): "Take cover in the side streets! The recipes in this cookbook could be explosive."

Robin (as Batman tries to call the Batcave): "Do you think Alfred is there?"
Batman: "He is a creature of well disciplined habits. It's his regular time for dusting the Atomic Pile."

Bruce: "We'll finish our snack later, Aunt Harriet."

Robin: "You were right, Batman, we might have been killed."
Batman: "Or worse."

Alfred (to Bruce after answering the Batphone): "A Mister Rime...A Mister K. Rime, if you understand me."
Bruce: "Of course. Mister K. Rime with a red hot line of investments for the Wayne Foundation. Dick, it's about time you started learning something about the elements of investment."

Robin: "The Penquin in business as a private eye?"
Batman: "Hiring him to guard jewels is like trusting a leaf of lettuce to a rabbit."

Batman (after learning Penquin entered the Gotham City Millionaires Club): "That bird of prey among the golden geese!"

Batman (after retrieving the Batmobile from Penquin): "The Batmobile, we'll have to have it fumagated."

Batman: "If only the Riddler's inventive mind could be channeled for good, what a better world this would be."

Robin (about to break into hideout): "Can I go first? I want to see their faces...."
Batman (stopping Robin): "Dynamic seniority."

Maharajah (writing a cheque): "'Pay to the order of Batman...' "
Batman: "One 'T'."

Riddler: "You lied to me, Boy Wonder!"
Batman: "A little white lie is excusable."

Dick Grayson: "Who is it, Bruce? Has the Penguin kidnapped someone special?"
Bruce Wayne: "Dick, I'm afraid you better put your Latin verbs aside for the nonce. The kidnapped man is Alfred."

Batman: "New slogan, same old Tut."

Miss Iceland: "Oh Batman, what can I ever do to thank you?"
Batman: "Thank the judges at the Miss Galaxy Beauty Contest, Miss Iceland. They agreed to postpone the final event until you were found."

Batman to Gordon and O'Hara: "We have tickets for tonight's finals in the Gotham City Miss Galaxy Contest. I know Robin is a little young for this sort of thing, but --"
Robin: "I'm not going to be young all my life, Batman, and besides, uh, beauty contests are practically an American institution!"
Batman: "You see, gentlemen, such pure logic is indisputable."

Batman: "Come on, Robin. Let's help a little old lady across the street, and into the penitentiary."

Batman (to citizen): "May I suggest you lock your car, sir. Your local police are asking all Gotham Cityites to cooperate in a current campaign. You might place this sticker on your bumper." (Hands over a bright red "Lock Your Car" sticker.)

Robin: "Maybe Egghead wants to start a war between the Gotham City citizens and the Indians."
Batman: "I don't think so, Robin. There is only one Indian left. He'd be outnumbered 10,000,000 to 1."

Gordon: "That leaves only Bruce Wayne."
Robin: "I wonder where he is?"
Batman: "Unquestionably out doing something inconsequential with his youthful ward, Dick Grayson. You know how those millionaire playboys are."

Batman (to Chief Screaming Chicken): "Chow chief."

Robin: "Gosh, Batman. I never see you use a telephone directory. How do you remember all those numbers?"
Batman: "Elementary, my dear Robin. I simply transpose the numbers into letters. For example, Pete Savage's number is the name of a girl he and I used to date."

Batman (to Robin): "Let's give them a taste of our knuckles, shall we?"

Robin: "What does it mean, Batman?"
Batman: "It means we've got the criminal by his large, grey, double A head."

Batman: "It's all some murky masquerade to hoodwink a hapless, sleepless money bags. Now, can you name some famous insomniacs?"
Robin: "Well, there was Olaf the Sad of Norway."
Batman: "He's been dead for 800 years."
Robin: "And that famous Chinese historian, Foo Ha Chung."
Batman: "Born with no eyelids."
Robin: "How about that French Empress whose head stayed awake even after she'd been guillotined?"
Batman: "Poor creature."

Child, looking at poster of Batman and Robin: "Boo, Batman!"
Dick: "Gosh, Bruce, did you hear that?"
Bruce: "Nothing has ever cut me so deeply to the quick. No blow ever struck by any archvillain has ever hurt me so acutely as that little boy's 'boo'."

Barbara: "I didn't know you were a student of the classics."
Robin: "Batman teaches me a little poetry in between remanding criminals to jail."
Batman: "Enough prose and cons, Robin."

Robin: "What is it, Batman?"
Batman: "A potpourri of news, Robin, both good and bad."

Robin: "King Tut ran up the shaft."
Batman: "Yes, he moves very quickly for an overstuffed and unlikely Egyptian pharoah."

Batman: "The mind of a criminal like Riddler's is a sponge which soaks up many strange facts."

Batman: "Planting a timebomb in a local library is a felony."


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